I have always been a very happy and optimistic person. I have always tried to see the brighter side of things and to keep my chin up, but since Sherrin happened, I feel myself getting angrier and angrier. I am constantly stressed about Sherrin’s health, which affects how I act every day. I am so mad all of the time. I feel myself changing into this mean person and I hate it- I never used to be like this. It is just so hard for me to remain optimistic and happy when I feel like my family’s life is so difficult. I could start bawling at any moment if I thought about my sister’s situation long enough. I feel this constant heaviness that I know will never give. Why does my family have to suffer like this? Why does Sherrin have to literally struggle to move a finger? So many plans I once had for Sherrin are slowly dwindling away. I want my maid of honor; I want the aunt of my future children; I want those plans to be real again.
It’s so hard to keep the optimism up when I see the torture she has to go through. The only way I can stop myself from losing my mind is to just try to make it through every day. I think to myself, “This is another day that I have my sister. This is another day that my sister is still with us. She is alive. It will be okay.” Some days I truly feel like I will never be fully happy again and there will always be something to pull me back down. My family and myself are tortured every day.
I feel like I have to keep other people’s optimism up, as well. When people ask me how she’s doing I have to stop myself from hysterically crying or sounding depressed. Sometimes the truth is Sherrin isn’t getting better. Sometimes she’s actually really sick and everything seems hopeless. But, if I don’t keep my hopefulness and spirit up then no one else will. It’s such a balancing act.
I want to reiterate to Sherrin’s friends and family how important it is to go see her if you have the time. Sherrin feels forgotten way more often than she should. She’ll ask me, “Where are my friends? Why can’t I see them?” and I never really know how to respond. Sherrin spends her days in one hospital building and only interacting with a handful of nurses, therapists, and of course my parents. She is hardly ever around people her own age except when I’m there. So please, if you ever considered yourself close to Sherrin, she needs you. She needs to be reminded that there is a world out there full of people that want to see her get better. Do it for her.
Here is the address of the new hospital:
Sherrin Baggott Room 317
JDT Medical Rehabilitation Center
499 Pine Brook Road, Lincoln Park, NJ 07035